


Tangled in the Hanging Tree

by Pippinpaddleopsicopolis (Barnable)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Like Big Time in This One Please Be Careful, POV Sokka (Avatar), Post-Canon, Self-Harm, Sokka (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Sokka (Avatar)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28106034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barnable/pseuds/Pippinpaddleopsicopolis
Summary: Sokka is going through a rough patch with his mental health, and his friends desperately want to help. They try bringing him on vacation, hoping to help him relax, but quickly realize that all he really needs is support. Thankfully, they know exactly how to give it to him.
Relationships: Aang & Sokka (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka & The Gaang (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Sokka
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	Tangled in the Hanging Tree

**Author's Note:**

> [Thank you to the lovely anon on tumblr who inspired this fic!](https://tikmasjiens.tumblr.com/post/637643801695059968/okay-thinking-of-an-idea-for-you-sokka-is-going)

“Hey, Sokka, are you in there?”

The answer was yes but he didn’t hand it over. He was too busy focusing on how tired he was, how fatigued his body felt, and how much easier it would’ve been if he just hadn’t woken up. Katara was inevitably coming to get him for lunch and he didn’t want to have it. There was no real reason for his sudden lack of appetite, no real excuse for him to cite as a way out of the meals. He just didn’t want to eat.

Well, no. That wasn’t true. He didn’t like to eat the way he normally did but to say he wouldn’t eat at all was a lie. Sokka got himself into a somewhat—okay, _extremely_ —unhealthy pattern of binging, but he couldn’t get himself to eat any meals. He’d avoid everything until he felt the urge and then he’d eat too many snacks until he wanted to throw it all up. Sometimes he did. Sometimes he didn’t. His body was entirely unpredictable at that point.

“Sokka, you okay?” It was bad enough that everyone was starting to catch on. They knew that he wasn’t well, that something was wrong, but he wouldn’t tell them what it was. Even _he_ barely knew what it was. Finding an answer wasn’t easy. “I know you’re really busy with your plans and everything but we’re going to the market, and we wanted to know if you would come with us.”

He turned his head deeper into the pillows, trying to think of a decent response before Katara tried again. Honestly, Sokka didn’t know if he wanted to. He didn’t know if he _could_. There was no good explanation for why he didn’t care about anything anymore, why he couldn’t convince himself to just get out of bed, and it was awful. It was awful not just for his friends, but for him too. He hated himself and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know how to stop it.

“Okay.” Sokka was a little surprised by his own answer, almost expecting himself to refuse and go back to sleep despite it being the middle of the day. He winced when he pushed himself up, glaring down at the dried blood on his arm. He should’ve wrapped it up the night before, but he stopped caring at some point. “I’ll be out in a minute, just let me get all this stuff cleaned up really fast.”

“All right, we’ll be out here waiting for you.”

Sokka dropped back into his pillows, dragging his hands over his eyes as he let out a deep sigh. He shouldn’t have said anything. He didn’t want to go anywhere, he just wanted to stay under the covers. He wanted to hide out in that stupid, dingy old room until he felt better. _If_ he felt better. Somehow, it was starting to feel like that might be impossible. Like his mind was more of a prison than the stupid Earth Kingdom house he was being forced to stay in.

He liked spending time with his friends. He really did. But the fact that they had to all go around the world to do it was a pain, and the fact that they almost _always_ went to either the Earth Kingdom or the Fire Nation didn’t seem fair. So, they didn’t like the cold. He hated the dirt and how many stuck up jerks lived in the Earth Kingdom, but he dealt with it to be with his loved ones. The altitude of the Air Temples made him feel sick, but he pushed through it for Aang. Sokka couldn’t _stand_ the summer heat in the Fire Nation or the bad memories associated with it, but he dealt with it for the sake of visiting his friends.

Time after time, he put himself through things he hated for his friends and they wouldn’t do the same for him.

Knowing there was no point in dwelling on it—regardless of what he said, Toph would never wear the boots and Zuko would never get over his guilt—and his friends were waiting for him outside, Sokka forced himself to sit up again and stumbled to his feet. That was the lack of eating. He was fine, mostly. He used his cane a lot because his leg just didn’t work like it had before the war, but it wasn’t until he lost the will to feed himself that he really started stumbling when he moved. No one seemed to notice it yet, so he assumed it wasn’t as bad as it felt and didn’t change anything.

Sokka dragged a shirt on over his head and poked his head out the wooden door before sliding into the hall. He didn’t want anyone to see him and risk them noticing the blood. It wasn’t as bad as it looked. A few long cuts but none of them were deep. None of them were bad enough that he thought he was in danger if he didn’t wrap them up. Still, it was hard to look at in the mirror. When he slid his shirt off again and had to face the dark lines that lined his arm from his shoulders to his wrist. At least it was only on one side that day. It made it a little easier.

The water burned as he cleaned it off, the sink turning a nasty shade of red as he squeezed out the cloth. He gritted his teeth the whole time he wrapped the bandages around his exposed wounds, trying to remind himself that it was there for a reason. That he was in no place to complain because he was the one who caused it in the first place. He was the one who deserved it, as much as he wanted to believe that he didn’t. As much as he wanted to be okay like he was before, even if it was starting to feel like he might never be that person again.

“Hurry up, Snoozles!” Toph’s voice startled Sokka from his thoughts. He stared down at the knife in his hand, glancing up to his face in the mirror. He just wanted to shave. He shouldn’t have felt so guilty about holding it. “We’re ready to go!”

“So, just do it,” he snapped. Sokka knew right away that his tone was too harsh, and the faint sound of floorboards creaking absolutely confirmed it. Toph didn’t say anything else, she just shifted; likely upset by his cruel words. Sokka took a breath, lightening his tone but not letting up. “You want to leave? Just leave. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have to come. I’ll just find you guys later or something. Not like anyone ever cared about leaving me before.”

“Hey. I didn’t mean it like that.” Her tone was utterly dejected and instantly, Sokka felt the urge to take the knife to his arm instead. His hand shifted, but he didn’t push the blade down. “We want you to come, Sokka. That’s why we invited you here in the first place. Lately, it feels like you’ve been avoiding us. You keep ignoring our letters and missing things… I didn’t even know if you’d come this time or if it would just be Katara.”

Sokka pressed his hand down, bowing his head toward the sink. So much for having one clean arm. He took a deep shaking breath, hoping Toph wouldn’t be able to hear him. The floor was made of wood so she shouldn’t have been able to feel how quickly his heart was racing, not well, and nobody could see his tears past the door. He breathed in another long length of air, his gaze flickering toward the red pooling around the base of his forearm as he pulled the knife away and set it back down on the counter.

“I’ll be out in a minute, okay?” It was weird how even he managed to make his voice sound despite how much he wanted to turn and throw up. “There’s a knot in my hair and I’m trying to comb it out. It won’t take much longer.”

Thankfully, Toph accepted the explanation, albeit with slight hesitance. The moment her footsteps disappeared down the hall, Sokka slid down against the counter, resting his head back against it as he pressed the wet cloth to his arm. It was his fault. He deserved it. Toph was worried about him and she was trying to get him to open up and he responded by completely blowing her off. Ignoring her comments and moving right on to a lie. It was wrong, cruel, and he deserved every bit of the stinging from the cold water on his cut.

Somehow, despite how badly his hands were shaking and how much he wanted to close his eyes and never open them again, Sokka managed to wrap up his other arm, covering the fresh cut before dragging his shirt back over his head. He was fine. There was no reason for him to be upset when all he’d done was what he deserved. Even if it made his hands shake a lot. Even if he cut himself again, this time on his jaw, because he couldn’t see well enough to shave. He didn’t bother trying to smile when he finally pulled his hair back and stepped outside. His friends knew he wasn’t okay. He was sure of it.

Sokka didn’t say one word the entire way to the market. He nodded along while his friends talked, shrugged or rolled his eyes when they tried to get him involved, and generally did his best to look like he wanted to be standing there alongside them rather than buried beneath their feet. The only problem there was, of course, Sokka wasn’t trying to _act_ like he wanted to be there. He couldn’t. His friends would nudge him towards jokes, give him openings to ramble about science, and he just couldn’t indulge. He couldn’t do _anything_ but stand there and nod along. He just didn’t care anymore.

“All right, come on. You’re going to _love_ this.” The fact that Katara was still trying to get him involved, still trying to make him smile, was absolutely astounding. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve anything, but they wouldn’t stop trying like he did. “We found it the last time we came here—when you were back at the tribe helping Dad with those plans—and we just _knew_ you would like it. There are so many things in this shop, and…”

He appreciated the effort, he did, but he yanked away the second Katara grabbed his wrist and that got enough of a reaction from her to make him feel guilty the whole time they were in the shop. It didn’t excite him anymore. Before, Sokka would’ve been _thrilled_ to browse the rows of clothing and wall of bags and belts, but he didn’t care anymore. It used to be merchandise, potential, and all he could see it as now was stuff. It was just stuff and he didn’t care enough to want any of it. He didn’t care enough to want anything but to go back to bed.

“Are you okay, Sokka?” Aang’s voice dragged him back to reality and he nodded quickly, tearing his gaze from the bags he’d been looking through rather than at. They were a distraction, but not enough to get the bad thoughts out of his head. Not enough to stop him from feeling like he deserved nothing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, you’ve just been really quiet all day. It’s not like you.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I’ve changed,” said Sokka, glancing over his shoulder to look at Aang. The expression on his face hurt too much to look at for long. That was just how it was now. Sokka always hurting people when he should’ve been protecting them. When he should’ve been the one making sure they were all okay. He pressed a hand against his forearm. “Sorry, I just— I’m starting to think this was a bad idea. I should’ve just stayed back at the tribe. I like it better there anyway.”

“But we want you here. We didn’t invite you just because, we did it because we wanted to spend time with you.”

“You don’t have to humor me, Aang. I know that’s not true. I’m stupid, awkward, make the world’s _worst_ jokes, and I can’t get around without this.” He lifted his cane for a moment to make a point, shaking his head as he bit down on his lip. “I slow you down. I’m a waste of space. I get it. It’s really not that big of a deal. Let’s just get back to shopping, okay? I don’t want to talk about this.”

It was bad. Sokka knew that he wasn’t doing well but it’d never been so bad that he couldn’t keep up his persona anymore. That he couldn’t force himself to keep smiling and making jokes and looking excited about things he no longer cared for. He appreciated the efforts his friends were making, he really did, but a huge part of him was aching to run out of that stupid wooden shop right back to the docks so he could sail home. There was nowhere more comforting than the snow.

Thankfully, Aang seemed to take the hint and gave Sokka’s arm a squeeze before he walked away. He went right over to Katara and Sokka was sure that he was telling her what happened, but he honestly didn’t care enough to do anything about it. He just dodged their concerned gazes, ducking outside the shop to reunite with Toph on the dirt paths. They waited outside for the others, not saying many words. Toph seemed to understand that Sokka wasn’t feeling up for conversation. She didn’t push him to say more than a greeting.

When the others finally came outside, Sokka was fully ready to just head back, but they didn’t let him. Zuko was also completely prepared to go power nap to get over the crowds, but Aang and Katara insisted on cheering Sokka up—he denied feeling bad, not wanting to explain, but they could see right through his paper walls—and dragged him over to a snack stand. Sokka barely took the treats from Katara’s hand and stared at them for a good minute before he was able to force even a bite down. His appetite was gone. He’d fully accepted that, but clearly, he was the only one.

“Hey.” Suki nudged his shoulder, glancing down at the barely touched snack in his hand. “Are you okay? I’ve never seen you eat dessert so slowly before.”

“Technically it’s not dessert,” Sokka countered, his own gaze flickering to the unappealing food. He was deflecting with humor and he knew it, but it seemed like the simplest option; especially with so many people passing by them as they walked through the market. “I haven’t eaten any meals today, so it’s not dessert, it’s just a really unhealthy snack. Not that it’s a bad thing. Just that it’s not dessert.”

“I think you missed the point.”

He didn’t miss the point. He saw the point, ducked, and rolled the fuck away from it because the point hurt. The point was scary and confrontational and something he wasn’t ready to talk about. Sokka shrugged rather than saying anything else, desperate to keep from hurting Suki with his problems or rambling and realizing the things in his head were worse than he thought. Not that he believed they were anything simple, of course; he fully understood that they weren’t okay. He knew that he was messed up, he just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Please don’t shut me out.” The tone she used hurt more than the open wounds on his arms. He stared down at his feet, watching each grain of sand flip into the air as his shoes landed against the surface. “Sokka, I’m serious. I know what you’re doing right now. You’re trying to shut yourself down so we won’t want to talk to you anymore and it’s not going to work. We care about you so much. _So_ much. Just tell me what’s wrong, please. Or Katara. We just want to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” snapped Sokka, stumbling a little when he spat out the words. Suki reached out to steady him, and the only reason he didn’t curse at his cane was because he felt lucky she went for his bicep and not his split forearm. “I’m fine, Suki, seriously. I just didn’t sleep well last night. It doesn’t matter. I really, _really_ don’t want to talk about it so either we can argue about this or you can just—”

“Stop. I’m sorry, okay? Just… please talk to us. You don’t have to do it right now, but please understand that we’re here for you. We want to help.”

“Yeah, I get that, but I don’t want you to help me. I don’t need help. I’m fine, really. Just back off.”

Sokka didn’t know when exactly his declining mental health began to interfere with his relationships and his actions as a whole, but he was able to recognize it whenever it happened. He was able to look right at himself, even if he wasn’t in front of a mirror, and understand what he did wrong. The moment Suki nodded and quickened her pace to walk alongside someone else, Sokka threw his snack into a nearby trash bin and dragged loose hairs behind his ears. He didn’t even care enough to do his hair properly; how the _fuck_ did he expect to survive a day out with his friends?

Despite the fact that he was clearly a piece of shit and did not deserve to be around his friends any longer, Sokka somehow got dragged into a whole lunch after Suki presumably shared that he hadn’t eaten anything else that day. His friends kept laughing and joking the whole way through the meal and all Sokka could do was nod along and poke at his food because he felt sick to his stomach just smelling it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to eat. It was that his body only ever wanted it at a weird time and in weird quantities and having a normal meal didn’t work. He forced down no more than a few bites.

Throughout the rest of the miserable afternoon, Sokka’s friends never stopped trying to get him to smile. They pulled him through the streets to places they thought he would like, made countless jokes which left openings for him to join in even though he never did, and bought him way too many things that he absolutely didn’t need. It was stupid. A complete waste of time. There was no chance that they would ever get that smile out of Sokka, not unless they suddenly changed everything he’d been feeling for the last several weeks. It was pointless.

“We can go back to the house, if you want.” Of course, it was Zuko who finally offered to get him out of there. Sokka barely nodded, both unwilling and unable to meet his gaze. He was sick of being out in public. He just wanted to be alone again. “Sorry they’re being so pushy. Extroverts are like that, you know. They just— _we_ just want you to feel better.”

“I know, but I’m not your responsibility.” Sokka let out a long sigh, slowly shaking his head. He didn’t know how else he was supposed to explain it. “It means a lot that you guys are trying, it really does, but I don’t want you looking out for me, okay? I just want to be alone. I know you want to help but right now, I just feel like I’m a burden on all of you and that’s pretty much having the opposite effect to what you’re trying to do.”

“That’s what I was trying to explain to them. Sometimes you just need space to figure things out. You should talk to us if you need to, but if you feel better when you’re alone, then maybe that’s what you should do. We’ll just go back to the house, you can hang out in your room with some books, and maybe we’ll try hanging out again some other time before we have to leave. It’s not a big deal, you just— shit, Sokka?”

If Zuko said anything else after that, Sokka’s heart was pounding too loudly for him to hear it. He stumbled backward, the lightheadedness taking over from everything as he instinctively slid a hand up to hold where Zuko had touched. It wasn’t meant to be anything more than a reassuring gesture, but his palm pressed right against one of Sokka’s wounds beneath the bandages, and it brought an unexpected burning sensation that caused his entire body to shake. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, nodding in response to Zuko’s frantic questioning, and regretted opening them when he saw everyone in front of him.

Having all of them in front of him was too much. Sokka turned and ran right down the street, ignoring the weird looks he got from pedestrians and pretending he didn’t hear the sounds of his friends calling after him. Though he knew he couldn’t get away from them, that he would never be able to outrun them all with is bad leg, Sokka didn’t stop moving until he was far away from the markets, standing on the edge of a cliff well on the outskirts of the town. Dropping to his knees wasn’t intentional, but his leg was throbbing after so much movement and his chest burned from an inability to breathe.

Someone spoke up, asking everyone else to step away and give Sokka space to calm down, but he didn’t fully register who it was until Katara was kneeling right in front of him; reaching out for his hand and not shifting when he gripped it painfully tight. On the one hand, Sokka wanted to tell them all to get away, to just leave him alone and let him fall because he wasn’t worth it, but on the other, he wanted them there. He wanted their comfort, their kindness, and that was the only reason he didn’t resist when Katara urged him into a hug.

“It’s okay.” Katara’s voice was soft, her body shifting slightly when he rested his head against her shoulder. It was stupid, having to have his little sister comfort him, but he couldn’t get himself to move. His leg ached, his eyes were stinging with tears, and for some reason, the hug was the only thing keeping him from breaking. “Just take a deep breath. You’re all right. We’re here.”

“I’m sorry.” He knew it was the wrong thing to say, that she didn’t care if he was upset, but he went with it anyway. It was the only thing he could think to do. “I shouldn’t have come. I knew I wasn’t— I ruined your vacation. I shouldn’t have come.”

“You didn’t ruin our vacation, Sokka. We did this for you. To help you. If this is what you need, then just let go, okay? You don’t have to be strong for us.”

He didn’t want to let go. He wanted to be strong, to keep in everything and not have to drop it on the people who cared about him, but somehow, it escaped. When Katara said those words, when she asked him to be open, to be vulnerable, he cracked. The tears dripped from his eyes despite how tightly he squeezed them shut, a painful sob escaping his lips as his body trembled with emotion. He almost thought his friends would leave, that Katara was only staying because she had an obligation as his sister, but he was wrong.

Not one of them moved while he sat there, crying into Katara’s shoulder. They didn’t even say a word until Zuko quietly revealed what triggered the meltdown and Katara insisted on seeing Sokka’s arms. She was careful about it, at least. Delicate when she slid his sleeves up and taking a long breath to hide how terrified she must’ve been when she saw the cuts along his skin. Sokka tried to pull away when she first pressed her glowing water to it, but then Suki slid beside him and pulled him into her arms and suddenly, he felt relaxed enough to let it go on.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, another choked sob breaking up his words. Sokka closed his eyes for several seconds, breathing in deeply and glancing down at his healing arms before he went on; leaning against Suki’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just— I felt like I deserved it. I’m— I’m such a fucking failure and even when I thought— I thought I was doing better but I wasn’t because this isn’t better, it’s— it _hurts_.”

“I know.” Suki rubbed his bicep reassuringly, and he let out another shaking breath. “It’s okay. We’re not mad at you. We just want to help. If you need to talk to us about anything, we’re here for you, okay? I know how hard it is for you to open up but we just— we don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

“But that’s not true because you don’t— you don’t even care. We go on all these trips and we go to the Air Temples with Aang and we stay in the Fire Nation with Zuko and we go to Kyoshi Island with you and nobody— nobody ever wants to go to my home. Nobody ever— I just want to be home sometimes, you know? I just— I just want to spend time with you guys there, but you won’t— Toph won’t wear the shoes and Zuko’s too scared to apologize for what he did and it’s not fair. Even— Even Katara doesn’t seem to care and it’s not fair. It’s— It’s my _home_ and you won’t even come.”

Of course, that tangent got both Zuko and Toph on top of him in a second; Toph clinging to his arm and Zuko giving his shoulder an awkward squeeze because he wasn’t great at the hug stuff. It helped, in a weird way, and so did their sudden whispers of reassurance. Toph’s rambling about how she would give the boots a try whenever he wanted them to visit, and Zuko telling him that he’d get over his stupid anxieties and apologize in person if that would help (because of course he sent a thousand letters and reparations already, facing Kanna in person was just an entirely different thing). Sokka only nodded.

At some point, Aang came over and gave Sokka a big hug too, and that was all he really registered. His friends kept talking and reassuring him and at some point, Katara finished with his cuts and rewrapped the bandages for the remnants she couldn’t heal, but it was all a blur. His heart was still pounding, his chest burning from how long it took him to calm his breaths, and the tears never stopping. He never would’ve expected it, but somehow, he felt a little better by the time it was over.

When he was relaxed and just sitting there in basically a pile of friends, covering him in the softest, kindest group hug in the world. When Toph was holding his arm and Suki was squeezing one of his hands. When everything finally went quiet and nobody was talking anymore, just holding him and sitting with him and giving him that gentle, physically reassurance that even if it didn’t feel like it, everything was going to be okay. Maybe Sokka still hated himself, but his friends didn’t hate him. They cared about him a ridiculous amount.

“You know you’re family, right, Sokka?” Aang didn’t move his arms, staying in his place in the hug. “You’ll always be family.”

Sokka only nodded. It was hard to believe sometimes, but deep down, he knew that it was true.


End file.
